I could not leave the house today.
I tried leaving the house at 11 to go to a meeting, but my body was fused to my bed like a mosquito on fly paper.
I tried leaving the house at 1 to attend a book study at work. But I went to put on my shoes and could not feel my feet and thought I might fall and fall and fall
and fall
and
F
A
L
L
.
I tried leaving the house at 3:15 for therapy.
I really tried leaving the house at 3:15 for therapy.
Put on your shoes Erliss. One step at a time. Stretch our your arm so you can feel your coat sleeve. One foot. Other foot. One arm. Other arm. We can do this, Erliss. We. Can. Do. This.
My heart beat so hard it felt like a machete thrusting through my sternum.
Keep going Erliss.
I stood, and something gripped my throat – creepy slimy voice
“You are going to die today, Erlisssssssssss.”
“i can’t breathe”
The door – get through the door Erliss.
But the door was angry – It’s fiery bones pulsated as I reached towards it
i was scared.
Just turn the handle, Erliss. You can do it.
I thought I could, I tried.
But the only portal to my salvation erupted with flames and smoke and epic hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, asteroids
all the beasts of the air the beasts of the water the beasts of the sky
Leviathan and Behemoth and a thousand tongues screamed in unison
“You can’t do anything right
You are stain on humanity
I hate you I hate you I hate you
You have no right to be here
Don’t touch me
Don’t touch me
DO NOT TOUCH ME!”
Their hands on my ankles my shoulders my thighs my waist my neck my eyes my throat
my reach twisted inward
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE
i can’t breathe
i can’t feel my feet.
my body is fused to the floor
like a mosquito on fly paper.
Mocking whispers tell me stories of their conquest.
My chin to my knees, I melt into their vocalizations as the door towers above,
a cross awaiting my crucifixion.
I am not leaving
the house
today.
?Thank you for listening,
Much love to each of you,
Erliss
