Weird title, I agree. But once you read this, you will understand. And in your understanding, you too, may wonder.
When I wrote this, I was a student chaplain in the same psychiatric hospital where I spent 6 months as a patient years earlier. (Got that? It was a wild time, and quite healing.) At the end of my chaplaincy unit, stressed out, I had to come up with a metaphor for my experience. I was confused, sad, scared, and a few other things. So I sat down
down
down
(with 20 minutes until it was due), and typed whatever letters fell under my fingers.
This is indeed, free association. I had no outline in my head, no active thoughts, and did not even edit it. I probably should do that.
Anyway, it is resonating with me today.
A Little Free Association Story
And so she said, crying, on her way to pick blueberries at Mrs. Humphry’s farm,
(blueberries always made her smile, you know):
“I wonder why all of this?”
She then saw it. It was blue and purple and green and red and had a daisy for a head and jelly beans for legs. It seemed to swirl, no fly—like a butterfly, but it didn’t have wings, only two tiny twigs that seemed to flap effortlessly in the wind.
And it was singing—she could hardly believe her eyes-
no, her ears-
no, her heart beat (which was, at this point, very fast, racing like an elephant during typhoon season. Have you ever seen such a sight? Well, believe me, they can move fast, as she knows too well, having ridden on many herself at such times, trying to escape the rush of air and rain and thunder and lightning and updrafts and downdrafts and terrifying thunderous roars of the lion—but that is another story altogether.)
It was singing:
“If you want to dear, you can sit with me
or fly with me
like the bumblebee
on a rocky beach
in a flourless sea
without cookies or tea
but with everything else
you could possibly need
to be free with me
da da dum dum dum
da da dum, dee, dum…
“Excuse me!” She called out, somewhat out of breath, for she could not find it since her heart was pounding so loudly that she could not hear, which both are closely related…anyway… “please tell me why you are singing like that, and how did you ever get to be the way you are—where did you come from and why are there no cookies or tea—it makes no sense to be free without cookies or tea. Please explain!” She started to cry, and cry, and cry. For no real reason, except that she always put blueberries in her cookies, and this messed up her whole life.
Everything seemed
Upsidedown-rightsidebackwards-beforeafteraround-insideout!
Then it stopped. It stopped singing. It flew over to her face and sat on her upper lip, which at this point, was quivering as fast as her heart beat was beating faster than she could even count to a hundred blindfolded with one eye squeaking out.
“Well, why didn’t you say so? Of course, it makes absolutely no sense in the world not to have cookies or tea! Especially with blueberries. Yum yum yum! It’s ok, my dear one. For you are wiser than I, and you have taught me much today. Let’s go have some blueberry cookies and tea—shall we?”
It stuck out its twig, and leaned forward on its jelly bean leg, and she thought for a moment, noticing the oddity of it all, but decided that life was indeed too short to miss out on such an invitation from such a strange creature. So they went off together, both of them singing…
If you want to dear, you can sit with me, or fly with me like a bumblebee,dada dum dum dum, dada dee dum dee, dada dum dee dum…
THE END
So, seriously, this is what I am doing in therapy. It’s so weird to see the story in the light of my brain and nervous system rehabilitation, but there you go.
Have a beautiful day, my dear fellow Monkey Whisperers. Stay Connected.
Much Love,
Erliss, The Monkey Whisperer